In which I pass judgment on people based on clothing and snippets of conversation.

First of all, about half the attendees were men. It seems, too, that a large portion of the moms are very young, like 30 at the most. I’m 38 and Geeky Girl is my second kid. For many of the moms there, the six-year-old on the field was their first, putting them at 27 or 28 (having had kids very early). These moms were what I would call the “beautiful moms.” They were dressed nicely in capri pants and fitted shirts. Their hair was highlighted; they wore makeup. Quite embarrassingly, I was dressed similarly, but no makeup. Next time, I’m wearing shorts. The only two middle-aged moms actually assisted the coach (and were dressed appropriately for that), so I couldn’t even talk to them. So I was basically in observation mode.

I ended up next to a dad, who, the minute I looked at him, labelled him a former jock/frat boy. He was kind of mean to his kid, who looked pampered. Then, a beautiful mom showed up, someone I had talked to at the pizza party, the only mom I knew of who worked outside the home besides me. The frat dad flagged her down. Turns out they had some kind of social connection. Also turns out the mom is single, dating a friend of his. He falls over himself offering her his seat. She refuses. He continues to offer her the seat ever few minutes until finally he just stands up and talks to her.

I didn’t listen to their entire conversation. She seems very nice. She works for a financial advisor. They start talking stocks. She knows a lot about stocks, but she talks about them in that kind of sing-song voice women sometimes use to make it seem like they really don’t know that much. (“Math is hard.”) He talks about ways to avoid capital gains taxes when purchasing and selling real estate. He also discusses giving people kickbacks when they refer business to him. He suggests she do the same. Now, her company is a nationally known financial advising firm. And she stammers and I can tell, she’s thinking, um, we don’t do that, you scumbag. After this conversation, I’ve basically decided this guy is a mob wannabe and was once the school bully. Suddenly, his wife shows up. And I’m laughing. His wife is not unattractive; she’s definitely cute. But she definitely doesn’t measure up to single mom, who hasn’t an ounce of fat on her body, is dressed casually, yet stylishly, and just generally carries herself with confidence. The guy’s wife is in shorts and a golf shirt and is wearing a visor.

I, of course, constructed a whole scenerio in which he marries his wife who was beautiful in the same way single mom is. They were high school sweethearts, went to the same mediocre local college, got married after they graduated, had kids immediately afterward and then the wife got bogged down in taking care of the kids and forgot about herself. And now, he’s happy with his business success and material success, but not with his wife and kids. He could have done without them.

Soccer games as anthropology. How do you like that?